My Dog's a Scaredy-Cat Page 9
He reached out his huge hand and grabbed at us. I screamed so loud, you could probably hear me from where you are now. Cheerio bolted from my arms and took off to parts unknown. Ashley and Frankie and Emily and Robert all screamed, too.
And McKelty, well, I thought he was going to collapse.
“I’m getting out of here!” he yelled. “That guy’s real!”
McKelty was so panicked, he started to run in circles. When he couldn’t find the door flap, he just barreled into the wall of the haunted house and brought the whole bedspread down in a heap. The vampire reached out and grabbed his collar.
“Don’t suck my blood!” McKelty yelled. “Pleeasse!!!”
He wriggled free from the vampire’s hand and took off, screaming down the hall. He ran into my bedroom and slammed the door. He thought it was the front door of the apartment. A second later, my bedroom door flung open and Nick the Tick ran down the front hall with his mouth wide open, trying to scream. He was so scared, no sound came out. The vampire chased him, but McKelty got out of the apartment just in time. He must have finally got his voice back, because we could hear him screaming “Don’t hurt me!” all the way down the elevator.
As for me, I had only one thought. Where was Cheerio? I raced around the living room looking for him. Even if there was a bloodsucking vampire in my house, I had promised to protect Cheerio, and that’s just what I was going to do.
But the vampire had beat me to it. He was bending down by the couch, trying to convince Cheerio to come out from his hiding place.
“Get away!” I shouted at the vampire. “That’s my dog!”
“I don’t vant to scare him,” the vampire said. “I love animals. Like my cow, Olga, back in Poltava. She was good friend to me.”
I knew that voice. Who else could have had a cow named Olga?
“Vlady!” I said.
He peeled off his rubber mask. The vampire face disappeared and there he was, our lovable sandwich maker.
“Yes, it’s me, Hank,” he said.
When Cheerio saw Vlady’s face, he came scurrying out from under the couch and jumped in his lap. He loves Vlady because Vlady always gives him the leftover meat from his sandwiches.
When the kids saw it was Vlady, they all came over and gathered around.
“You were stupendous, man,” Frankie said to Vlady.
“Awesome,” Ashley agreed.
“Did you see McKelty run?” Emily laughed.
“He looked like a scared rabbit,” Robert said. “Actually, a hare to be more precise. Hares run faster than rabbits.”
We all took a minute to just enjoy the thought of McKelty screaming out of the house. Let’s face it, the guy deserved it.
Then a thought occurred to me.
“Let me ask you something, Vlady,” I said. “How did you know that McKelty would be here?”
“I could smell his blood,” he said.
His blue eyes were twinkling again.
“Come on. Tell us the truth. How’d you know when to come?”
“Vampires don’t tell their secrets.”
“Vlady, enough of the kidding.”
“Are you sure I am kidding?” he said.
Vlady yawned. I noticed his lips looked awfully red from the fake blood. It was fake blood, wasn’t it? It had to be.
What are you saying, Hank? Of course it was.
“I am tired,” he said. “Now I must go sleep in my coffin.”
“Vlady, you don’t really sleep in a coffin,” I laughed.
“It belonged to my grandfather Boris,” Vlady said.
It occurred to me that I had never seen Vlady’s apartment. I was sure he didn’t really have a coffin there.
I mean, he couldn’t. Right?
Because there’s no such thing as a vampire.
Right?
These are just weird Halloween thoughts you’re having, Hank. Everyone knows there’s no such thing as vampires.
Right?
Absolutely right.
Right???????
CHAPTER 25
WE NEVER GOT TO TRICK-OR-TREAT. But I’m telling you, what we got that night was sweeter than two hundred bags of Halloween candy. The picture of Nick the Tick McKelty streaking out of our apartment like his pants were on fire is a picture I’m going to hold in my mind for ever and ever. Even as I think of it right now, it makes me feel like I want to stand up and shout “yes” at the top of my lungs.
As a matter of fact, I think I will. Care to join me?
“YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!”