There's a Zombie in My Bathtub Read online

  To Lulu: you energize everyone you meet. And to Stacey, always—HW

  For Kiya and Teio Shimozato, and their wonderful mom!—LO

  For my Big Sis Jo, Charlie, and Mia—SG

  GROSSET & DUNLAP

  Penguin Young Readers Group

  An Imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

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  The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Text copyright © 2015 by Henry Winkler and Lin Oliver Productions, Inc. Illustrations copyright © 2015 by Scott Garrett. All rights reserved. Published by Grosset & Dunlap, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 345 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. GROSSET & DUNLAP is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

  ISBN 978-0-698-41219-4

  Version_1

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Copyright

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  The most fun way to spend the night before Halloween is to watch a scary movie with your best friend, sharing a bowl of popcorn. This is something Frankie Townsend and I have been doing ever since I can remember. We turn out the lights in my living room and put The Eight-Legged Creature from the Deep on the TV. Then we make scary underwater sounds. Frankie pretends to be a giant vampire squid. I’m really good at holding my nose and groaning. I don’t think any underwater creature actually makes that noise, but I like to do it, anyway, because it drives my sister, Emily, crazy.

  “Hey, Zip,” Frankie said to me as we sat in the kitchen eating frozen oatmeal raisin cookies. Call me weird, but I like my cookies frozen. It was Friday night, and the next day was Halloween. “Do you think we should invite Ashley to watch the movie with us?”

  “Sure,” I said. “After all, she’s our new best friend. Unless you think the movie would be too scary for her?”

  “Let’s ask her,” Frankie said.

  I picked up the phone and dialed Ashley’s number.

  “Big Joe’s Hot Dogs,” said a man’s voice. “Where every bite is right.”

  Oops. I guess I didn’t dial Ashley’s number.

  “Excuse me,” I said into the phone. “I was trying to call Ashley Wong.”

  “No one here by that name,” Big Joe answered. “But if you find her, come on in for our Halloween special. I call it the Hal-O-Wiener.”

  I could still hear him laughing as I hung up. Without saying a word, Frankie took the phone and dialed Ashley. He knows I’m not the best dialer in the world. I think I’ve memorized a number, but when I try to dial it, all the numbers get jumbled up in my brain. I talk to a lot of nice people that way, though.

  When we asked her over for the movie, Ashley said she’d love to come. She wasn’t scared a bit. She just had to finish gluing the last fake diamonds on her giraffe costume, and she’d be right up.

  If you’re wondering why a giraffe is wearing a diamond necklace, you’ll have to ask Ashley. Hey, if it works for her, it works for me.

  We had just hung up the phone when my sister, Emily, came stomping into the kitchen. She had green cardboard patches hanging all over her body.

  “I give up!” She seemed ready to burst out crying. “My bony plate is coming loose again.”

  The kitchen door swung open, and my mom came running in after her. She was carrying a glue gun.

  “Come here, Emily,” she said. “I can fix your costume if you give me a minute.”

  “What are you supposed to be?” I asked Emily.

  “Can’t you tell? I am a Komodo dragon, which, in case you don’t know, lives only in Indonesia.”

  “Are you going to move there once Halloween is over?” I shot back.

  “I heard that, Hank,” my dad said, joining us in the kitchen. “Don’t tease Emily. Halloween is supposed to be fun. Be nice to each other.”

  “No problem, Dad,” I said. Then, putting on my best smile, I said to Emily, “How wonderful that you won’t need to wear a mask because you already look like a dragon.”

  “Hank, what did I just say?” my dad snapped. “You owe your sister an apology.”

  “Fine,” I said. “Emily, I’m so sorry that I think your face looks like a dragon.”

  Frankie couldn’t hold it in any longer, and he cracked up.

  I knew we had to get out of there fast, or else I’d be grounded until next February. We bolted for the living room to set up for movie night.

  Ashley arrived at exactly seven o’clock. Frankie and I had already gotten out our copy of The Eight-Legged Creature from the Deep.

  “You’re going to love this movie, Ashweena,” I said. “Especially the part where the creature gets mad and slaps the water so hard, he makes a tidal wave.”

  “I’ve seen that movie,” Ashley said. “It’s not really that scary. I have a better idea.”

  Reaching into her bag, she pulled out another movie and handed it to me.

  “I say let’s watch Attack of the Zombies,” she suggested.

  I

  glanced at the cover. Two pale, dead-looking zombies were marching toward a house. Inside, a family looked like they were screaming their lungs out. Just looking at the picture made my hands start to sweat. If I could barely stand to look at the cover, I could only imagine how much the movie would scare me.

  “I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “Zombies give me the creeps. The way they walk around moaning and eating human knees and everything.” A shiver ran down my spine.

  “I vote for Ashley’s movie,” Frankie said. “I think it’d be good for us to change things up, Zip.”

  “Frankie, do you remember that zombie book Ms. Finnigan read to us in the library?”

  “Yeah. The Mystery of the Zombie Cave. It was cool.”

  “Maybe for you, but that story gave me bad dreams all week. I had to sleep on the floor in my mom and dad’s room.”

  “We were in first grade then,” Frankie said. “You were just a little kid. Little kids always get scared.”

  I didn’t know how to tell Frankie that the thought of that story still made the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up.

  “Besides,” Frankie continued, “Ashweena and I are right here with you. We won’t let any zombies eat you, will we, Ash?”

  “Maybe just a toe or two,” Ashley said with a laugh. “You don’t need all ten toes, anyway.”

  “Okay,” I said, trying to join in the joke. “The way my feet smell, no zombie would want to nibble on my toes, anyway.”

  “That’s the Hank Zipzer I know,” Frankie said, slapping me on the back. “Funny. Cool. Not afraid of anything. Right, dude?”

  “Right,” I said. But my brain was screaming, Not right! Not right! Not right!

  Before I could get up the nerv
e to use even one of those excuses, movie night had started. Ashley took the pillows from the couch and arranged them on the floor for us. Frankie got the movie all set up in the TV. Cheerio settled in on my dad’s chair, panting hard like he does when he gets excited. And my dad surprised us by bringing in a big bowl of popcorn. Emily, still half covered with scales, followed him.

  “Even though I’m not allowed to watch the movie with you, I helped Dad make you popcorn,” she said. “Just to show you how nice us Komodo dragons are.”

  “Wow, Mr. Z,” Frankie said. “That’s a whole lot of popcorn.”

  “We made extra,” my dad said, “because Nick McKelty is coming over to watch the movie with you guys.”

  Did he just say Nick McKelty, the biggest bully in our class, was coming over? To my apartment? That wasn’t possible. My ears must have gone out for a walk.

  “Wait, Dad . . . none of us invited him.”

  “I ran into his father on the street,” my dad explained. “He and I are going to the neighborhood- council meeting tonight. He needs a place for Nick to stay for a couple of hours. Since your mom will be home, I said of course he’s welcome here.”

  “No, he isn’t,” I said loudly.

  “Yes, he is,” my father said, even louder.

  This night was getting worse by the second. The doorbell rang, and my stomach flipped like a pancake on the griddle.

  “Please, Dad,” I begged. “Tell him we moved.”

  “Yeah,” Frankie chimed in. “To Iceland.”

  “No,” Ashley added. “To Pluto. It’s the planet farthest away.”

  “Pluto is no longer a planet,” Emily the know-it-all dragon said. “It is now known as a dwarf planet, and, if you’d like, I can explain to you why.”

  “You know what, Em?” I said. “Why don’t you save that for a rainy day?”

  The doorbell rang again.

  “Fine,” Emily said. “Have a good time with McKelty. Mom and I will be in my room working on my costume.”

  She stomped out, leaving a trail of green cardboard scales behind her. My dad picked them up as he went to open the front door. Standing in the doorway, shoving a jelly donut in his mouth, was Nick McKelty.

  “I have arrived,” he grunted, with the red jelly from the donut squirting through his teeth. “Now the party can finally start.”

  My dad got his jacket, yelled good-bye, and disappeared into the hallway with Mr. McKelty. Nick the Tick marched his blobby self into the living room and plopped down on the pillows.

  “What are we watching?” he asked, stuffing the last of the donut into his mouth while his other hand was reaching for popcorn. I wondered if he was going to wipe his jelly-covered fingers on the couch pillows.

  He wiped them on his pants instead.

  “Attack of the Zombies,” Frankie told him.

  “That movie is for babies,” he said with a snort. “I’ve seen it eighty times.”

  “Then maybe you don’t want to stay,” I said. “You could hang out with Emily. She’s having a dragon party in her room. You’d fit right in.”

  “Your family is so weird,” McKelty said. “Let’s just watch this movie already so I don’t have to listen to you guys.”

  “That’s a good idea,” Ashley said. “Why don’t you sit up on the couch so we don’t have to look at the jelly hanging off your nose?”

  Ashley pressed the PLAY button, and the movie started. As soon as he heard the scary music, Cheerio started to whimper. Inside, I was whimpering right along with him. I hate scary music. I tried to hum a tune inside my head to drown it out, but the only one I could think of was “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.” That got too annoying, so I had to stop. And then, there it was again, that creepy music.

  Cheerio jumped off my dad’s chair and ran into Emily’s room.

  Even though I have no interest in cardboard lizard scales, I wanted so badly to go with him. But Ashley was grinning at me and shooting me a big thumbs-up sign. She really wanted me to love this movie. I decided I’d try.

  But not for long!

  In the very first scene, a bunch of zombies missing hunks of their faces marched into the town. With their arms stretched out in front of them, their low moans sounded like a herd of sick cows.

  I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see their moldy faces.

  “Hey, Zipperbutt, you’re not afraid, are you?” McKelty said with his usual mean laugh.

  “Of course not! Why would you think I’m afraid?”

  “Because you’re covering your eyes.”

  “Oh, one of my eyelashes fell out. They do that sometimes.”

  I wasn’t sure if he believed the excuse or not. We went back to watching the movie. By now, the zombies had reached a house and were banging on the front door. The family inside was screaming. I couldn’t take it. Before I could stop myself, I crawled under the coffee table and pressed my head into the rug.

  “What’s your problem?” McKelty asked me.

  “Oh, I dropped a piece of popcorn,” I said. “Just looking for it.”

  “You eat floor food?” he said.

  “Five-second rule,” I shot back.

  “I always knew you were gross, Zipperbutt, but that’s super gross.”

  “You should talk, McKelty,” Frankie said. “You’re the one whose mouth always looks like a garbage bin.”

  McKelty wasn’t offended by that. He just stuffed another handful of popcorn in his mouth like a hungry hog.

  To my relief, the zombies couldn’t break into the house so they turned away and left the family alone. I relaxed just a tiny bit. Maybe these were nice zombies. Maybe they were just taking a nice walk in the countryside. But then came the part with the goat. The music suddenly got high and screechy. I knew something terrible was going to happen to that poor little goat. My heart started to beat like it was going to fly out of my chest.

  I can’t tell you what happened next, because I jumped to my feet and ran out of there as fast as I could. I thought I heard Ashley calling after me, but I didn’t turn around. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

  Okay, I confess. I did do a quick check in the bathtub to see if there were any zombies lurking. There weren’t. I guess they were all in the TV. I took a deep breath and splashed some cold water on my face.

  What’s wrong with you, Hank? I said to myself. It’s only a movie.

  Myself didn’t answer. It just felt scared.

  There was a knock on the door. “Zip,” I heard Frankie’s voice say. “Everything okay in there?”

  “Sure, fine. No problem. Why do you ask?”

  “Well, you’ve been in there a pretty long time. We stopped the movie to wait for you.”

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that for me.” I tried to sound calm. Frankie was my best friend. Why couldn’t I just tell him that the movie was too scary for me? There was nothing wrong with that. People get scared. It doesn’t mean you’re a chicken.

  I opened my mouth to tell him. And here’s what came out.

  “Be right there, Frankie.”

  When I went back into the living room, Ashley whispered, “Are you okay, Hank? You want us to turn off the movie?”

  Yes I did. There was my chance. But McKelty butted in and answered for me.

  “We’re just getting to the good part,” he said. “I don’t want to miss the blood and guts!”

  So I sat there with my eyes half closed for the rest of the movie. I tried to focus on my mom’s painting of a bowl of lemons that hung above the TV. Every time there was a zombie attack, I stared harder and harder at those lemons. Pretty soon, even they started to look like zombies to me—dripping yellow faces with rotting skin.

  I was so happy when the movie finally ended. What I didn’t know was that it was just the beginning of a night filled
with terror.

  When I went to bed that night, I closed my eyes like I usually do. But instead of dreaming about me hitting a home run for the Mets, my brain went to Zombieland. I’m going to leave out a lot of the scariest parts of my nightmare because I don’t want you to close this book and run away screaming. But here are some highlights.

  In my dream, I was about five years old. I was at the beach, building a sand castle when a bunch of zombies came out of the ocean. They had jellyfish for noses, and instead of arms, they had giant octopus tentacles. With stingers on the end of each one! I screamed and ran down the beach. The zombies chased me. As they got closer, I could almost feel their tentacles stinging me. One of them actually wrapped itself around my arm and started to squeeze.

  I used every bit of my strength to break free. I ran for the lifeguard shack, but the faster I ran, the farther away it got.

  Then I fell facedown in the sand. The sand got up my nose and I couldn’t breathe. I felt a cold slimy tentacle wrap around my ankle, and start pulling me—closer . . . closer . . . closer . . .

  And then I woke up. I was screaming, “Let me go! Let me go!”

  That woke up Frankie. He had been asleep in his Spider-Man sleeping bag next to my bed.

  “Zip, what are you doing?” he said with a yawn.

  “Running from a zombie attack.”

  “That’s nice,” he said, still half asleep. “Did they eat your brains?”

  “I don’t think so. I’m still here.”

  I reached up to my head to check if there were any zombie bite marks. There weren’t. I leaned down to show Frankie, but he had already fallen back asleep.

  I rolled back in bed and closed my eyes. As soon as I did, there they were again!

  Zombies . . . hundreds of them—pounding on the hot sand with their tentacles. The terrible drumming sound got louder and louder in my ears. My eyes flew open.